What hurts?
You get to have the time and space to really say things how they are. I encourage you to be you. I would like you to feel able to feel free to talk about things you’d like to be heard. This time is yours, to get what you need, to be heard in a safe space, with acceptance. I think there might be some things that could feel just that bit too hard to say at first. I understand that. Trust can take time to build, especially if you’ve been hurt by people in the past. It’s ok. I get it. You will tell me when you feel comfortable enough. I don’t mean it will always easy to talk about the hard stuff, I mean that as our sessions continue, I hope that you will build the confidence to be reassured that nothing bad will happen if you say it.
At some point, I think you’ll decide the benefits of saying it, outweigh potential risk. I don’t demand trust; rather, I offer you this: that we can build it together gradually, at your own pace.
I like listening. I love my job.
I’m interested in getting to know you and what brings you to therapy.
I have become a psychotherapist because I like listening to others. If you need to feel properly heard, then we are a good match, already.
The way it works.
Since the pandemic, like many counselors and psychotherapists, I’ve been working with Zoom. I have been pleasantly surprised to find it works very well for many people. You still get as much time and support from me. In some ways it can be better, because we don’t both have to be in London at the same time. Wherever we are, you still have your own time and we continue our work together.
You are important.
In our psychotherapy and counseling sessions, I keep my training on the back seat but I am aware of its usefulness in understanding
How you are and what you are experiencing is more important than anything I have been taught. While solid training for this work is vital, it takes second place. You are my priority. I think that how you are feeling is paramount because this guides us together on your journey towards wholeness. We will work side by side with me as the support, finding the way that is right for you.
Counselling and psychotherapy in Gospel Oak,
South-End Green, Belsize Park, Hampstead, Dartmouth Park, Primrose Hill, Kentish Town, Camden,
NW3, NW5, NW8, NW1, N1, N7.
Space to breathe.
Space to talk.
Space to be heard.
Space to feel honored and respected.
Space in which you can feel cared about.
We all need space to simply talk. I know well, that it is easier to imagine than to find, even- especially when you crave it from the depth of your being.
It can be hard to find people you can trust, to really talk in depth. You may not know who you can trust, sometimes, there seems to be no one, or if there is, you might not want to burden him or her. Or you may be worried about how they react, or that their own problems might get in the way of you being heard properly.
In my sixteen years of counseling, eight of psychotherapy, I have learned to listen. I hear elements that may normally get missed out in everyday conversations. When I reflect back to you, you can to hear yourself speak. You can hear yourself so much more clearly and then get some more clarity.
Our difficulties can be portals to growth and change.
"Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines." (Robert H. Schulle.)
While some people would rather keep quiet about their problems, to me, they are gold. Those difficulties that have been bothering and dogging you are vital gems; clues are vital clues to deeper hurts that need gentle attendance.
Once you have made the decision, you are need no longer on your own. Together we will work in partnership to address your issues.
My psychotherapeutic approach is integrative and relational. I take a gentle approach. In my experience, sensitivity and gentleness are not just the best but actually the only way to healing and wholeness.
As an integrative psychotherapist, the major schools of psychotherapy, supported by current neuroscience research, underpin my approach:
I also draw on:
This is not a therapy itself but combined with findings from current neuroscience, helps us to understand how the way we relate, come out of our unconscious assumptions, that we formed before we developed memory. This has many overlappings with the psychodynamic approach.
An aside note- I wish to update some details on this website. There are plenty of thing yet to include. If there is anything more you would like to know please ask. Also, if you happen to see any errors, I’d be grateful if you would point them out.
How we work in Counselling and psychotherapy.
You may have already had experience of talking to a counsellor or psychotherapist, before. If you have not yet, counselling and psychotherapy* might be described as a type of support and listening where the focus is less on problem solving, more on you and how you experience things. It can be a particularly helpful at times of loss, change and upheaval when things feel confusing and stressful, or a time after loss and bereavement.
*Please look to the end of this site for psychotherapy and counseling definitions.
Clarity.
You will find that when you get heard properly and you get space to express what is going on, you will begin to see things more clearly.
Life changes, stresses and challenges.
Can make you feel stressed. Over the long term this might have left you suffering from anxiety and depression, which can sometimes be difficult to tell people you are in relationships with about, in case they begin to worry, or even worse, get angry, or they start to tell you about their problems and yours don't get heard. Another problem can be that (meaning well) they tell you that 'everyone feels like that sometimes'.
Difficult feelings and self-limiting behaviors.
Sometimes our emotions can feel hard to manage, even unbearable.
We might enact behaviours, that give us temporary respite, such as eating too much or too little, or the wrong type of food. We might feel so bad about what we ate that we purge (make ourselves sick or take laxatives) or over exercise. Then we can feel worse and need a temporary respite again. We can feel so bad that you get lower- and then a cycle of addictive behaviour builds. We might turn to smoking, drinking or using drugs, prescribed or otherwise. We might hurt ourselves physically, by banging ourselves against hard surfaces, or even cutting or burning ourselves. Sometimes we might buy things to help lift us, or find ourselves in brief and unsatisfying sexual liaisons or longer term unhappy relationships.
There are any numbers of ways we try and get ourselves out of one painful emotional state in an attempt to get us into a calmer one. The problem is that then these behaviours can give us more problems- the very thing that was meant to help then burdens us with something else, or makes difficulties worse.
Feelings and needs
In counselling and psychotherapy sessions, we can think together about anything that at first, the behaviours seemed to be helpful for. If we can identify these, we can see what needs you were trying to meet. We can think together about how this came to be and what might help you get your needs met, without hurting yourself or compromising.
Past trauma, abuse and neglect.
You might come for psychotherapy and counselling because you may have experienced trauma or abuse when you were little. Now, however hard you try, it might feel impossible to put it into the past and for it to stay there.
Overt trauma and abuse can be easiest to spot because we might be able to remember our experiences. Even then, it can still take someone else to let us know that things that happened to us, were traumatic or abusive. Emotional and psychological abuse can sometimes be hard to identify alone but other people can help us. Neglect can be harder, particularly when no-one knew or even noticed. Rather than something happening that should not have, things that should have happened may not have. I would like to expand on this in the near future but for now I will say that I have done much work in this area. I believe what you say, take everything you tell me seriously and will work with you in your journey of healing.
Developmental trauma
This can be overt trauma and abuse, however it can also be less than optimal situations that can prevent us from completing our developmental needs. It may not be anyone’s fault and can arise from growing up in warm, loving, well-meaning families. There might have been scarcity, lack of resources, stress and loss. This might leave us feeling a bit incomplete in some ways, finding things that others seem to find easy, difficult. This is something else that I will expand on when time permits. For now I would like it to have a place here, because I think it is important and our work might involve attending to it.
Psychotherapy, old-fashioned humanity and humility
We are in the front seats; my training sits in the back.
How you feel and how we are relating to each other is most important to me. Underpinning my work is extensive, relational, depth training.
My training is not to be underestimated. In my experience, it takes good psychotherapy training for this highly specialized, professional practice, art and calling. It means that I have particular models and structures of understandings that underpin my practice. These help me to get a feel for, empathy and comprehension of things that untrained people can find hard to understand.
Every day therapy
Having said that, I also think that sometimes the simplest things can be great therapy: finding a good friend, a good relationship, time in nature, arts, crafts and all manner of things, can help you to heal. We can talk about those life-enhancing things that can help you towards a more balanced life, when outside of the sessions. In much of this, as with the rest of our work, I will take your lead and trust that you will intuitively move in a healing direction. I am here to assist and walk alongside you. I will learn from you. For you to allow me to accompany you on your healing journey is an honor for me.
Heroes and courage
I see those who come to me to work on their own issues, are today’s heroes.
You have made it this far.
The worst is now behind you. It takes great courage to both struggle alone and then to decide to come to counseling and psychotherapy. This same bravery is a vital ingredient that will always be with you, in your healing journey.
You have earned my deepest respect. Take heart, you no longer have to try and work this out all on your own.
Be well.
If you like what I have said to you here, I hope you will get in touch. I look forward to hearing from you.
Counselling and psychotherapy in Gospel Oak,
South-End Green, Belsize Park, Hampstead, Dartmouth Park, Primrose Hill, Kentish Town, Camden,
NW3, NW5, NW8, NW1, N1, N7.
Outdoor & indoor counselling and psychotherapy in Gospel Oak,
South-End Green, Belsize Park, Hampstead, Dartmouth Park, Primrose Hill, Kentish Town, Camden,
NW3, NW5, NW8, NW1, N1, N7.
Outdoor & indoor counselling and psychotherapy in Gospel Oak,
South-End Green, Belsize Park, Hampstead, Dartmouth Park, Primrose Hill, Kentish Town, Camden,
NW3, NW5, NW8, NW1, N1, N7.
